A Prisoner

Welcome to my blog if you care to follow it. I’m going to most likely talk about the good, the bad and the ugly, but I’ll probably be throwing in some jokes as well for I’ve often felt like I was living in one big Comedy Movie of sorts.
Though today I thought over my life and have had to face the fact that I have become “a prisoner in my own home”, for I have health issues made much WORSE with the heat of the sun. I have an 8 cm cyst on my left ovary pressing on nerves going down my left leg making it almost completely USELESS! I also have three flights of stairs which makes it challenging. Neurological issues with hot weather is a terrible mixture which leaves one wanting to just give up and go home to heaven instead! I also have scar tissue and inflammation along my intestinal tract where they cut me up in 1996. I suffered from Crohn’s disease for 23 years. I am about 105lbs now and 5 ft 8 so don’t care to know what I weigh anymore!
This summer I wasted the whole of it hiding away from the heat and today I watched a young man on a christian show mention how hard it was to go jogging and to keep on going in the heat whilst I had to laugh and exclaim to myself, “Well he’s rather blessed to even be ABLE to go jogging!” He spoke as if he were some expert on the topic of perseverance as I laughed and thought to myself that, “He was sadly just a spiritual neophyte who had NO CLUE as to what he was talking about!” Just wait until he is surrounded by al-Qaida and they are torturing him or threatening to cut off his head! What will he do then; cry or cave in? We don’t really know about perseverance until we are stuck in the stew ourselves! And all flippant & glib words that people say are just that!
We each need to practice being FEARLESS and NOT really care what people say or do! For the more I go on in this journey with God the less I care about what people do or say! For who are they anyways? They are NOT The Great I AM, and next week their opinions will have changed too. I see that we are all just idiots left to our own devices if it were not for God, and who are we to be telling others what we think they should do, for we are NOT living in their shoes!
There are many who try to control others illegally while bossing them around as if they are the authority on a certain matter (but who asked them for their opinion in the first place? Nobody!) and then there are others who flippantly tell you things and they don’t have a clue as to what they are talking about!
I was victim of one of those remarks just recently. I had told a friend who has claimed for years that she has “the gift of discernment” how hard it has been for me not being able to clean my house, or look after my animals or myself and she turned and said to me, “Well I’m quite sure you’ll figure it all out!’ and then she quickly went off into the Church. I was left standing there aghast at the callous comments I had just heard. I then had to take my complaints to the Lord and work thru forgiving her. What hurt me was this lady has been my friend for years, and has helped others clean their houses when they could not do so. I had to forgive her for not really caring and I’m withholding her name as a result, but my summation of the whole thing now is this, “My friend does NOT really have that gift of discernment otherwise she would NOT have said what she said, or she was speaking Prophetically and although I couldn’t stand her words things WILL work out in the end. I’m hoping and praying that it’s the latter!
This has been the most difficult year of my ENTIRE LIFE and I’ve been tempted to just stab myself in the abdomen, so I might get the help I need faster for they would have to do SOMETHING if I showed up like that at the hospital!
I’ve seen a gynecologist who was too scared to do anything since she’s intimidated by scar tissue from previous surgery, and two neurologists who wanted to dismiss me with an MS type diagnosis. The first one said that “I must’ve injured the nerve of my leg and that’s why I was getting trouble” and I’m still trying to figure out when I actually did anything like that??!! She was very obviously bothered by her pregnancy at the time, so she passed me off to an MS neurologist who rubber stamped me with her stamp and then quickly got me out of her office whist telling me that there were no treatments available to help me. The coldness and callousness was palpable, so I left telling myself that, “It was the very FIRST time I saw her and it would be the very LAST time too!” I actually should’ve gotten out of the seat and left earlier than I did, for that lying spirit was there in SPADES!
Although I mention some people here I had to bring them ALL before the Lord and forgive them ALL and pray for them ALL too. (There are others also but I have not bothered to mention for that was last year as well) I realized that I was just dealing with attacks from the enemy and that I needed to throw them ALL aside for they were NOT any good for me! Remember this when you run into similar stuff and do likewise. Just throw it all ASIDE like the garbage it truly is! I sense it was designed to hold one back from one’s destiny, and so one must see it for what it is, and NOT to be fooled by it, but to learn from it as well. Learn HOW to treat others the way I would like to be treated and to know that I DON’T always know what others are going thru. I’m learning how to treat others better by what has bothered me, for I’m quite sure the enemy has used what I have said to others to insult them or hurt them too. We’ve all got to get better at the practice of loving each other.

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